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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22862296">A Losing Game</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandommatchmaker19/pseuds/fandommatchmaker19'>fandommatchmaker19</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Hello, Elizabeth [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Legacies (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Romance, Smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 05:49:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,554</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22862296</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandommatchmaker19/pseuds/fandommatchmaker19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"I hate you," she mutters, glaring at him. <br/>“I know,” he sighs heavily.</p>
<p>Post 2x12, Lizzie brings Sebastian back from the prison world, but she's still mad at him. A fight leads to copulation, a talk with Hope leads to an unexpected encounter in the woods and Lizzie changes her mind about Sebastian.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lizzie Saltzman/Sebastian</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Hello, Elizabeth [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1615000</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Losing Game</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Finally got around to finishing this fic! I started this after 2x12, but it disregards 2x13 almost entirely. <br/>Also, fair warning for the smut! <br/>Hope you enjoy! Maybe have tissues nearby?</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hello, Elizabeth,” he says huskily from besides her, and she whirls around to face him. [They hadn’t exactly spoken since they’d come back from the prison world, since he’d nearly turned her into a vampire without her consent, since she’d desiccated him, since everything in their sort of fairytale-like romance had gone to hell].</p>
<p>“What do you want?” she spits, glaring at him, her heart beating rapidly as she continued to stare into his eyes.</p>
<p>“I wanted to see you,” he quips, and she half-expects him to smirk, but he doesn’t. [He’d changed since they’d come back from the prison world, and she wonders if he truly hates it that much here, or if he’s just here because of her, or if there is something else].</p>
<p>“Is that line supposed to work?” she retorts, scoffing. Admittedly, it brings back memories of the night they’d met, but Lizzie is no longer the same girl. [Evil uncles, deceit and prison worlds changed her, made her less naïve, more cautious]. “Because it’s decidedly not. And, I don’t have time to talk to liars,” she adds, flashing him another glare. He attempts to deny it, but cuts himself off when she quickens her pace, wanting – needing – to put as much distance as possible between them.</p>
<p>Except, Sebastian vamp-speeds and catches up to her, his fingers wrapping around her wrist before twisting open the doorknob of a classroom, pushing her inside.</p>
<p>“What the hell?” she snaps, yanking her hand out of his grip, before reaching for the doorknob, ready to leave when he stops her, his fingers once again wrapping around her wrist. She could siphon him easily, but she meets his gaze and she doesn’t, something in his eyes stopping her. Instead, she lets him, and looks up to meet his gaze, a little struck by the emotion clear in his blue eyes.</p>
<p>“Elizabeth, please,” he pleads, and her mind flashes back to that night, the pleading tone in his voice, the way he told her he loved her, and then called her Cassandra. [More than anything, that had brought all her insecurities to the surface, reminded her of all her fears, all the reasons she wasn’t enough, and it had hurt her deeply]. “Please, just-” he starts to say, his voice thick with emotion, but she cuts him off, yanking her hand out of his grip and stepping back. With a flick of her wrist, she locks the door before crossing her arms, and whirls around to face him.</p>
<p>“Please what? You want me to listen to you? So, you can do what? Tell me how much you care about me? I don’t believe you, not after you called me Cassandra. You made your feelings pretty clear then,” she snaps. Her blood boils, her heart beating faster in her chest as she glares at him, all that anger she’d been trying to keep under control – and, failing miserably at – rushing to the surface. “Clearly you’re still hung up on your dead lover, and I really don’t have time for it,” she adds with a scoff before moving towards the door, ready to get out of the classroom that feels like its walls are closing in, and their proximity is becoming more and more apparent, and she feels like she can’t breathe. “You’ve made your choice; you chose her over me. You chose the dead girl over me, so don’t,” she adds more quietly this time.</p>
<p>“I-” he cuts himself off and swallows thickly. “I- I understand you are angry with me, Elizabeth. Believe me, I do. But, I just- I need you to understand that I-” he cuts himself off, runs a haphazard hand through his hair and sighs heavily. “I never meant to hurt you, Elizabeth. I would have never actually done anything to harm you, you must believe me!” His voice is thick with emotion as he pleads with her, though he doesn’t reach for her, doesn’t move, and she wonders if he doesn’t trust himself, or if he doesn’t trust her.</p>
<p>“I don’t know what to believe,” she huffs, reaching for the doorknob. “I don’t know if I can trust you. You tried turning me into a vampire against my will! You lied to me. You hurt me. You… whatever you’re going through with your dead lover… keep me out of it!” she snaps, her chest rising and falling as she tries calming herself. Sebastian takes a slow step towards her, and she steps back, her back connecting with the doorknob.</p>
<p>“Elizabeth, I would have never actually hurt you, you must- please believe me, I would never- I would never hurt you because I care about you. I do… I just-” he cuts himself off, his gaze snapping to hers, and she meets his gaze unflinchingly.</p>
<p>“Well, sucks for you because I hate you,” she mutters, glaring at him, her chest heaving as he takes another step closer to her, so that they’re mere inches from each other.</p>
<p>“I know,” he sighs heavily. “I know, Elizabeth. I know,” he mutters, dropping his gaze to the space between them, unable to look back at her, and she sighs heavily. “Forgive me, Elizabeth, I- I never meant to hurt you,” he says, and finally he looks at her, and she’s a little struck by the raw look in his eyes, the emotion clear in his blue gaze. She shivers at their closer proximity, every molecule in her body needing to close the gap, to be close to him as much as her brain tries to deny it. [Deep down, it’s not just her body that craves him, deep down she knows that part of her does care for him, that part of her knows there’s more to the story, but she can’t let that part of herself win. He did hurt her and she deserves better than to be someone’s second choice]. Still, she can’t deny the attraction as the distance between them seems to be getting smaller and smaller.</p>
<p>“Shut up,” she hisses, still glaring at him. “Action is required.” And, with that, she reaches to close the space between them, wrapping her hands around his neck before pressing her lips against his. Sebastian doesn’t hesitate, responding to the kiss immediately, eagerly, his hands moving to her waist, pushing her against the door as she tangles her fingers in his hair almost automatically, pulling slightly on it as Sebastian presses himself against her, and she can feel him harden against her as she deepens the kiss, attacking his mouth relentlessly, biting and sucking on his lower lip, her fingers pulling more roughly on his hair. Sebastian’s hands drift to her hips before moving to her uniform shorts, unzipping them easily and letting them fall to the floor. She yelps slightly, surprised at how quickly he’d done it before her hands move to his jacket and she pushes it off effortlessly, revealing his shirt, and just as easily she makes quick work of those buttons, pushing it off, too. Briefly, they break the kiss, both of them gasping and panting slightly for air, their noses brushing against each other, and Sebastian grasps the hem of her sweater, pulling it off her in one smooth movement, revealing her lacy black bra. She smirks as he swallows thickly, his Adam’s apple bobbing before her hands move to his jeans, and she makes quick work of them, pushing them down easily before Sebastian grabs onto her hips, holding them firmly as she wraps both her legs around his waist, letting out a soft moan as she feels his rather hard and large appendage against her thigh.</p>
<p>“Elizabeth…” he mumbles against her lips, and her heart beats faster as her hands drift along his back, tangling once again in his hair as his fingers rub slow and sensuous circles along her hips.</p>
<p>“Sebastian…” she mutters against his lips before pressing her own lips to his, kissing him deeply. He returns the kiss eagerly, his lips molding with hers, nipping and sucking on her lower lip as she slips her tongue into his mouth, her fingers pulling at his hair as he presses her harder against the door before moving to push her against the wall and she moans, her fingers drifting to his back, her nails digging into his skin. His hands move to her back, and he grabs onto her bra before snapping it open and cupping her breasts gently before he breaks the kiss only to start trailing kisses down her neck, down her collar and to her chest, his tongue licking her nipples and causing her to arch her back, moaning in pleasure as her own hands move to the hem of his boxers, and she pushes them off easily, her stomach tightening in anticipation. “Fuck,” she mutters as Sebastian grasps her breasts while his mouth continues its ministrations on her nipples, his teeth nipping and biting and sucking, causing her to moan as her fingers dig into his shoulder blades, tugging on his hair. Once he’s done with her breasts, he trails open-mouth kisses along her collar, along her neck before he settles on a spot, beginning to suck on it, causing her to moan yet again. “Fuck,” she gasps yet again, glad for the silence spell she’d put the moment she had sensed that their close quarters and proximity would only lead to sex as Sebastian pushes her more roughly against the wall, gripping her hips firmly. She tugs on his hair, pulling none-too-gently on it, and pulls is head away from her neck, forcing him to meet her gaze, and her own stomach tightens in anticipation at the lustful look in his darkened eyes. She kisses him then, roughly, her teeth nipping and sucking on his lower lip as she tugs on his dark hair while he continues to press her roughly against the wall, his fingers moving to rub circles on her thigh before inside her, eliciting another moan from her as she breaks the kiss only to start trailing kisses along his jaw and neck before settling on a spot, biting and nipping and sucking on it, causing Sebastian to grunt as he continues to rub his fingers along her clit. Lizzie was pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to last much longer, so she pulls away, gasping and panting as she lifts her head up to meet his gaze.</p>
<p>“Fuck, Elizabeth,” he mutters, his eyes dark with lust, and her stomach tightens with anticipation and desire.</p>
<p>“I need- fuck me now, Sebastian,” she pants, demandingly, hungrily gazing into his eyes. Sebastian’s lips curl into a smirk, and his eyes are just as dark with lust before he flips them around and vamp-speeds to one of the tables, slamming her against it. She pulls him along with her, wrapping her legs around his waist as her fingers tug on his hair, and she arches her back as Sebastian presses himself against her, shivering as his skin burns against hers, electricity between them where his finger skims against her thigh, where her fingers touch his shoulder blades. He presses his lips to hers yet again, firm and demanding, and she kisses him back, eagerly, almost hungrily as her hips grind against his while his fingers continue to touch her skin, eliciting soft moans stifled by the kiss every time he touches a more sensitive spot.  And then, finally he thrusts into her, and she arches her back, letting out a pleasure-filled moan as she breaks the kiss, throwing her head back as her fingers dig into his back, and he grunts against her lips as he thrusts more deeply, his hands gripping her hips more firmly. Her own hands move to cup his cheeks and she presses her lips to his, biting and sucking on his lower lip as her hips grind against his, matching his movements while he thrusts harder and faster, picking up pace as he presses her harder against the table. She arches her hips as he does, her moan stifled by his mouth on hers as she pulls his hair, as her fingers dig into his skin and he grunts in pain, and Sebastian thrusts even more, his thrusts becoming deeper and more frenzied. She can feel herself reach her climax, her stomach tightening, and she’s sure he’s close, too, and <em>God, she needs him</em>. She breaks the kiss once more, both of them panting and gasping, their noses brushing against each other, and she can see how much he needs her in his darkened gaze.</p>
<p>“Fuck, Sebastian,” she mutters, her words coming out in a soft gasp as she grasps his cheeks firmly. “I need… damn it, I need you, right now, So, fuck me,” she pants against his lips.</p>
<p>“Elizabeth…” he trails off, and with one final thrust he spills into her, sagging slightly, and she, too, finally reaches her release, slumping against the table as she does. He rolls off her, though only halfway since the table isn’t big enough to accommodate both of them, his face buried in her hair, his arm draped across her waist. They remain like that for a few more minutes, both of them panting heavily. Lizzie is the first to break out of her trance, and she scrambles off the table, moving to grab her clothes and putting them off as she attempts to fix her hair. Sebastian sits up, a little shocked, and she glances at him as she straightens her blouse.</p>
<p>“Is that it?” he asks, sounding a little hurt, and she scoffs.</p>
<p>“Yeah. That was great, thanks,” she mutters, moving towards the door.</p>
<p>“Oh, come on, Elizabeth!” he snaps, and she whirls around to face him. He, too, is putting on his clothes, pulling on his jeans as he speaks. “Is that truly it?” he asks, his voice softer this time.</p>
<p>“Yeah. That’s it. Sex. That’s all it was. Don’t get me wrong, it was mind-blowingly good sex, but still just sex,” she tells him.</p>
<p>“I see,” he mutters, looking down. Neither of them says anything, so Lizzie moves towards the door, but Sebastian speaks up again, stopping her. “Why did you bring me back, then? Was it- is this some form of revenge, Elizabeth? For what I did to you? Bringing me to a place where everyone thinks I am an irredeemable piece of trash?” he demands, and she can practically see the pain and tears in his eyes, but she doesn’t turn around, instead gripping the doorknob as she mutters the protective barrier spells she’d put on the room. “I’d rather have been desiccated, or left alone in that prison world…” he mutters, his voice shaking. She turns the doorknob and opens the door before stepping out. She breathes out a heavy sigh and makes her way to her room.</p>
<p>After a cold, refreshing shower, Lizzie changes her clothes and flops down onto her bed, jamming her earbuds into her ears and hitting play on her favorite playlist. She’s interrupted by her door opening, and she looks up to find Hope.</p>
<p>“Oh it’s you,” her face falls slightly, though she’s not sure who she’d been expecting. [A traitorous part of her had been expecting him, but of course he wasn’t going to seek her out, not after what had happened].</p>
<p>“Hello to you, too,” Hope smiles softly. When she lies back down, her best friend merely plops on the bed, laying down beside her, reaching to grab her hand. “What’s wrong?” she asks softly, turning to her, though she continues to stare at the ceiling, trying to blink back tears. Hope scoots closer, pressing closer to her, reaching to wrap her arm across her waist. “Lizzie?”</p>
<p>“You weren’t in History of Creatures, so I thought I’d check on you,” Hope says softly.</p>
<p>“Oh, yeah, sorry, I just needed… I just needed some time to just relax and think…” she trails off.</p>
<p>“What happened?”</p>
<p>“I had sex with Sebastian,” she blurts, unable to keep it in much longer. Hope gasps, her eyes widening.</p>
<p>“Lizzie!” she exclaims, though Lizzie knows it isn’t because Hope hates Sebastian, but more because she’d vowed she wouldn’t. “I thought- I thought you were done with him!” she adds, slightly confused.</p>
<p>“Yeah, uh, so did I… but, he wanted to talk and we were yelling- well, I was, mostly, and it just happened…” she trails off, shrugging.</p>
<p>“And?” Hope nudges her gently.</p>
<p>“And nothing. It’s not like we’re ever gonna- it was just really good sex and I can’t seem to stop because I’m still incredibly turned on by him even though he’s so bad,” she says, sighing heavily.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry,” Hope says softly, pressing closer to her and rubbing her arm in comfort.</p>
<p>“I mean, he- he tried to turn me into a vampire and called me Cassandra and just-” she cuts herself off, and sighs. “Even though I don’t think he would have actually turned me into- I don’t think he would have actually killed me,” she adds more quietly.</p>
<p>“Doesn’t make it okay. He lied to you and manipulated you,” Hope tells her, and Lizzie nods. “But, yeah, I don’t think he would have actually hurt you, either. I don’t know why, but I saw the way he looked at you- still looks at you and he clearly cares. And, he was sorry about what happened in the prison world,” Hope adds. Silence settles between them as her mind flashes back to everything that had happened between them, and she wonders if she can forgive him despite the ways he’d hurt her.</p>
<p>“What is it?” Hope asks, breaking the silence, sensing that there was something else.</p>
<p>“I just wish… I wish I was someone’s first choice. That someone would want me for me. Not because… not because of some dead girl…” she trails off with a sigh as she stares up at the ceiling, blinking back tears.</p>
<p>“Oh, Lizzie,” Hope mutters, wrapping her arms around her tightly.</p>
<p>“I know- I know I look like her. And, that part of the reason he was ever interested in me was because of that. How stupid of me to think it was because of me. I mean, I’m just Crazy Lizzie…” she trails off, reaching to hastily wipe away the tears that had fallen onto her cheeks. She half-chuckles bitterly, “I mean, obviously the reason he tried to turn me was because of her. Because she died and he didn’t want a repeat. Maybe I’d feel differently about the whole thing if it was because of me. I honestly thought… here was a guy who looked at me and saw me, not Crazy Lizzie, but clearly I was wrong… or, just not enough…” she trails off as more tears spill onto her cheeks. Hope hugs her gently, and pulls her to face her.</p>
<p>“You’re not crazy,” the tribrid says gently. “And, yeah you deserve to be someone’s first choice. And, you are enough, Lizzie. And, I think deep down Sebastian does see that, and he does care about you for you, for who you are. He’s just having a hard time letting go od the past, of Cassandra,” she adds, and Lizzie nods. But, I don’t think you should give up so easily. Sure, what Sebastian did… everything that happened with him- it sucked. And, was totally wrong. But, he was clearly scared, and there’s more to that story. And, I don’t think it was entirely because of Cassandra, but also because of you. Because he cared enough about you not to want to lose you. Just hear him out, because if you care about him… maybe he deserves a second chance?” she suggests, and Lizzie nods before turning to Hope and throwing her arms around her, hugging her friend tightly. [She never would have thought she and Hope Mikaelson would ever become friends, but strangely enough it made sense. And, she was grateful for the tribrid, she was grateful she had someone who was really good at listening, she was grateful that she had an actual good friend that wasn’t her twin as much as she loved Jo. Jo was her forever other half. Hope was her best friend].</p>
<p>“I guess you’re right…” she trails off, and sighs. Hope sits up then, pulling her along, and Lizzie stares at her, puzzled. “Hope?”</p>
<p>“Okay, enough moping. C’mon, let’s go find something to do,” her best friend says, dragging her off the bed. With a slight chuckle, Lizzie follows her, lauging amused as she does. </p>
<hr/>
<p>Needing to clear her head after another run in with Sebastian, Lizzie decides to make her way to the deck, or the Old Mill to try to vent out in a healthy way. [Well, healthier than wrecking the entire kitchen].</p>
<p>“Stupid, stupid ancient vampire. Stupid me for thinking he actually wants me. Of course, he’s still in love with his her. Of course, he doesn’t love you!” she mutters, kicking the dirt in front of her as a few tears spill over her cheeks. Hastily, she wipes them away and continues walking, her mind still on him. [Really, it was getting kind of annoying how as much as she was pissed at him, he was still on her mind to the point where she couldn’t get him out of her head. Having sex with him in an empty classroom definitely did not help since now she was also thinking of how good of a kisser he was, how well he knew her body on top of everything else]. “Stupid vampire with his Middle Age pickup lines and big gestures!” This time, it’s a little louder, and she practically growls at the end as her Dr. Martens-clad feet kick at the dirt. And then, there’s a loud scream and a crash, and she freezes.</p>
<p>It seems to come from the Old Mill, and slowly she moves towards it. Her first thought was that it was a monster, and she curses the fact that she doesn’t have something to siphon in this moment. Her second thought is that it could be someone else needing to let it all out, maybe Hope, so she moves towards the Old Mill, ready to be there for her best friend. Except, it’s not Hope, but Sebastian she finds there, and part of her wants to turn around and go back, but the other part of her, the part of her that still cares about him, wants to stay. His cries, something between screaming and sobbing fill the air, and Lizzie flinches at the pain-filled sound. There are candles all over the floor, and the couch is turned upside down, and there are torn papers scattered all over the floor. Sebastian lets out another pain-filled cry as he throws a bunch of candles to the floor before turning his attention to a table, grabbing it and throwing it across the room, letting out another half-scream half-sob. Lizzie can’t help but wince as she watches him continue to throw whatever he can reach, his pained screams filling the air, his body shaking. She doesn’t move though, her feet pinned to the ground as she just watches him, wrapping her arms around herself as she leans against a wooden post. Finally, he stops and just stands there, his entire body trembling, his hair fallen over his forehead, his head bowed, and finally, his knees buckle and he falls to the ground, letting out an anguished sob as he does. She can’t help herself then, can’t just stand there and watch him break down without doing anything, so she rushes towards him, reaching for him, crouching beside him, her arms moving to wrap around him, her hands resting on his shoulders in an attempt to comfort him.</p>
<p>“Sebastian,” she mumbles as he continues to sob, dropping his head to his knees, his hair falling over his forehead as tears spill over his cheeks and his body shakes with each sob. “I- it’s okay… it’s going to be okay,” she says softly, her voice barely above a whisper as she rubs her hand along his back. “Shh, it’s going to be okay,” she adds quietly as she continues to comfort him, rubbing his back, though not quite holding him.</p>
<p>Finally, his sobs subside, and he looks up, surprise clear in his eyes when he meets her gaze.</p>
<p>“Elizabeth?” he mutters in disbelief, reaching for her, his hand shaking as he cups her cheek, his thumb rubbing along her jaw and she can’t help but lean into the touch, can’t help the butterflies that erupt in her stomach at the gesture.</p>
<p>“I’m here, Sebastian. I’m here,” she whispers softly, reaching to cup his cheek, gently caressing it with her thumb. “Are you okay?” she asks softly as she gazes into his eyes. Sebastian doesn’t say anything at first. Finally, he pulls away only to rest his arms on his knees as he looks at the wrecked Old Mill, and she can see another tear slide down his cheek and her heart sort of breaks because she can see how much this is hurting him, how much pain he is in.</p>
<p>There’s a long moment of silence before Sebastian finally breaks it, “no, Elizabeth, I am not okay,” he mumbles before letting out a shaky breath. Impulsively, she reaches for his hand, lacing her fingers with him, and he glances over at her, surprised at the gesture. [Considering her hostility since they’d come back from the prison world, and earlier when he’d sought her out, his surprise is understandable. It had been a defense mechanism on her part because if she didn’t, if she let him in, she was pretty sure he’d break her heart]. Silence settles between them, but Lizzie doesn’t really mind as she holds Sebastian’s hand</p>
<p>“You can tell me,” she finally says softly, sneaking a glance at him, and sees him tighten his jaw, tensing. “Whatever it is- you can tell me,” she repeats, squeezing his hand. Sebastian takes a deep breath and lifts their joined hands to press a kiss to her knuckles as he continues to look at the wreckage in front of them.</p>
<p>“Forgive me for wrecking our place,” he mutters and her eyes widen in surprise before it clicks what he means. He looks away, and she does, too, the two of them staring out into space. [Of course he thinks of the Old Mill as their place, this is where they first met, where they’d often snuck off to have sex, where they’d spent most of their time together so her dad wouldn’t catch them. That all seems so trivial, though Lizzie sort of longs for the times when all they had to worry about was her dad catching them, when all they were doing was having sex, before she started caring for the vampire, before it all became complicated].</p>
<p>“You’re forgiven,” she mutters, not that it really matters whether she does. “Look-” she pauses, biting her lip, and Sebastian nods at her to continue, “you don’t have to talk about it. But, if you keep it in, it’s going to get worse, trust me, I know all about that,” she half-chuckles bitterly. “It’s not easy to open up, I get that, but you can tell me,” she says softly, meeting his gaze.</p>
<p>“I- I fear that if I tell you, you won’t look at me the same way. And, I can’t handle that… I can’t handle you seeing me differently, Elizabeth…” he trails off and sighs, running his hand haphazardly through his hair, shutting his eyes briefly, as if willing whatever memory had invaded his mind away. “I can’t handle you thinking I’m an irredeemable piece of trash,” she adds, and she aches a little at how little he thinks of himself, her mind flashing to his earlier words and to the time Alyssa used magic to expose all his feelings.</p>
<p>“C’mon. I don’t scare easy” she says softly, her voice a little teasing to lighten the mood, a little bit of false bravado to hide her own fear. Because she was scared; hell, she was terrified that whatever he was about to tell her would be worse than what happened in the prison world, that it would shatter what little hope there is for them, that she would never be able to look him in the eye, that it would break them irreparably. [Deep down, she still has hope for them, deep down she hopes he’ll come and grovel at her feet, or that she’ll bring herself to forgive him, but she knows it would just end in heartbreak]. “You can tell me,” she repeats, squeezing his hand once again.</p>
<p>Sebastian takes a deep, shuddery breath, and Lizzie reaches to lay her palm on top of his, lacing her fingers with his, and her heart sort of breaks, because she can see how much he is hurting, how much he thinks this might be the end. “When I was eight years old… my parents sold me to a merchant ship,” he finally says, and Lizzie can’t help but gasp at his words.</p>
<p>“They did what?” she almost shrieks, staring at him in shock, squeezing his hand once again.</p>
<p>His gaze flickers to hers as he continues, “I hated that life, so every port we sailed to, I ran away. But, the crew always found me, and… they devised special punishments for me,” his voice cracks, his eyes filled with tears. “They had access to vampire blood, which they used to heal me before torturing me… it was an endless, painful cycle,” he tells her, and her breath hitches in her throat. He chuckles bitterly, “that is how I turned. I still had vampire blood in my system, and I died… I… I, uh, I’m sorry I hurt you. I was wrong, but I was… I was afraid I would lose you, Elizabeth. And, I wouldn’t have forgiven myself for it. I’m sorry I nearly took your choice away, you deserved better. But, I just- I had to watch Cassandra die right in front of me, Elizabeth. And I- I can’t get that memory… I can’t forget that,” he sounds like he’s about to cry and his eyes are glassy with unshed tears, and Lizzie kind of wants to just wrap her arms around him and hold him, but she just squeezes his hand again and shifts closer to him, trying to comfort him that way. He takes another shaky breath, and squeezes her hand back, sniffling slightly before he continues, the words spilling from his mouth, how he became Sebastian the Merciless, how he sailed to the New World, how he met Cassandra. She can see that he’s growing visibly uncomfortable, and part of her considers telling him to stop, but at the same time she knows he just needs to let it all out. “Cassandra… she, uh, she was beautiful and kind, and I was enamored with her. In time, we grew closer, and it was the only reprieve I had from… she was the only one I truly felt something for, she was the only one I connected with, and I fell in love with her. But… I couldn’t- I couldn’t stop… being who I was- who I still am, and I… I killed most of the villagers… And, the puritan leadership wanted Cassandra to find out who was the killer. Except, the killer was me. And, Cassandra did love me, so she summoned something even worse. The Croatoan. A monster that would ferret out the lies those puritan hypocrites were concealing from the rest of the village. To keep them from finding me,” he adds sadly. “The Croatoan obviously went on a rampage and wiped everything out. When I found out what Cassandra was plotting, I tried to stop her. She was keeping my secret, and I feared she would become a target… So, she desiccated me to protect me,” he explains, and his voice trembles, thick with emotion as he clearly grows visibly uncomfortable, and Lizzie can see his eyes are filled with tears. She squeezes his hand yet again, and he continues, “In that state, I watched as the Croatoan tore her limb from limb before she could dispel it… unable to help her as she died…” he finally says, and a tear falls down his cheek, and Lizzie’s heart breaks for him. “And, the worst part is that I- I forgot she… I forgot I watched her die,” he finally says, a tear sliding down his cheek, and Lizzie’s breath hitches in her throat as realization starts to creep in. “This entire time while I was trapped in that box… I didn’t even know what had happened to her. And, when I woke up, and I met you… oh, you reminded me so much of her, Elizabeth. But, at the same time I was drawn to you, too. And I just… when I finally remembered what happened… how she died protecting me, I just- I couldn’t breathe. All I could think about was watching her die right in front of me, and I just… I couldn’t…” he trails off, his voice broken, and starts to cry unashamedly, and Lizzie hates putting him through this. As much as it is cathartic for him to let it out, as much as she wants to know about his past, she hates how much it hurts him. And, she can’t really do anything about it except hold his hand.</p>
<p>Slowly, she lifts it and presses a quick kiss to his knuckles, and he smiles softly though his tears, and she reaches to cup his cheek, wiping the tears away. “I am so sorry, Sebastian,” she murmurs softly, and he nods. “I am so sorry,” she repeats.</p>
<p>He nods, and lifts their joined hands to his own lips, pressing a tender kiss to her hand, and mutters, “me, too,” quietly. He turns to her once again, “I truly am sorry for what I did to you, Elizabeth,” he says softly, and she nods, unable to say anything more. Silence settles between them, and they stay like that for a few more minutes before she finally decides to head back. [She doesn’t actually want to go, but she knows that he needs some time to himself, and so does she]. Slowly, she lets go of his hand, and he looks up at her, surprised.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna head back, okay?” she asks softly, smiling slightly at him. Sebastian nods, seeing the look in her eyes before getting to his feet and extending his hand to her, helping her up. “Thanks,” she whispers, leaning to press a gentle kiss to his cheek.</p>
<p>“No, Elizabeth. Thank you,” he tells her earnestly. “Thank you for listening, for being here,” he adds softly, smiling fondly at her, and she nods before stepping away from him. She’s almost at the stairs that lead out of the Mill when she stops.</p>
<p>“You were wrong,” she says softly, and he raises an eyebrow, clearly shocked. “Not everyone thinks you’re an irredeemable piece of-” she cuts herself off, unable to bring herself to say the word. “You aren’t trash, Sebastian. And, you are worth it,” she adds, her voice trembling slightly with emotion, and she can see emotion clear in his eyes. He doesn’t say anything, just smiles softly at her, but there’s no need for words. “I’ll see you later,” she mutters, turning to leave.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Goodbye, Elizabeth,” he says, and she can feel goosebumps at his use of her full name as she walks away.</p>
<p>“Bye,” she mutters underneath her breath.</p>
<p>Her shoulders slump in relief as soon as she’s outside, stepping into the cold, November weather, pulling her coat tighter, wrapping her arms around herself as the wind blows into her face. Slowly, she starts to walk towards the school, not even glancing in the direction of the Old Mill, knowing he was there. Since she doesn’t have any classes, she makes her way to the dorms, and thankfully Josie isn’t in, so she slumps onto the bed, pulling her iPhone out of her pocket and jamming her earbuds into her ears, pressing shuffle on her favorite playlist.</p>
<hr/>
<p>He’d needed to clear his head, so after Elizabeth had excused herself to go back to the school, he’d wondered around the woods before finally stopping at the deck. [He’d often come here since they’d returned from the prison world, needing a reprieve from the Salvatore School and the aggravations of the modern world, his mind drifting back to simpler times. Inevitably, it would drift back to his past, too, to Cassandra, to the boat where he’d been a slave, the torture he’d endured running like an endless loop in his mind. Or, it was watching Cassandra being torn limb from limb]. Briefly, he shuts his eyes in an attempt to will the memories away, but it doesn’t seem to quite work, so he opens them and just gazes out at the peaceful water. He pulls out Cassandra’s pendant, the one she’d used to slay the beast that had ultimately killed her, his thumb tracing the engraving on it as he holds it in his hand, the memories flooding his mind. [He’d found it in the prison world after he’d given the one he kept to Milton to slay the Croatoan, and had brought it back, still clinging to her memory, especially since Elizabeth had practically shunned him].</p>
<p>There’s footsteps behind him, and he turns to find Elizabeth walking towards him.</p>
<p>“Hello, Elizabeth,” he offers, attempting a smile, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. She bites her lip as she approaches him, and he can sense and air of nervousness, of uncertainty he hadn’t before.</p>
<p>“Uh, hey,” she tries to sound nonchalant, but doesn’t quite succeed. Still, he offers her a smile, and she steps onto the deck before coming over to stand in front of him.</p>
<p>“What brings you here so soon?” he wonders, part of him hoping she’d come to see him, the other wondering why in the world Elizabeth was seeking him out after everything.</p>
<p>“Soon?” she scoffs, rolling her eyes, and he furrows his eyebrows before he notices the sun was about to set and he could swear it had been higher up in the sky – probably around noon – when he’d sat down. “It’s been a few hours since I left,” she shrugs before smiling slightly at him. He nods at her, and she sits down beside him, letting her legs fall over the edge, though they don’t reach the water. They sit in silence for a few moments, and he must admit he enjoys it, enjoys Elizabeth’s body next to his and the small, barely there distance between them. Finally, Elizabeth breaks it as she reaches her hand across the space to lay it on top of his. “Is that hers?” she asks softly, and he turns to look at her in surprise. She meets his gaze steadily, and while he’d expected jealousy in her blue eyes, he only finds curiosity and concern. </p>
<p>“Yes,” he answers simply. “This belonged to Cassandra,” he mutters, opening his palm to reveal the pendant. “She used it to slay the Croatoan and gave it to me to protect me. I gave it to Milton when you and your friends were battling that beast. To protect you,” he admits, and she looks up in surprise, a soft gasp escaping her lips. “I did not wish for the same fate to befall upon you, Elizabeth. Perhaps it was because you reminded me so much of her,” he pauses and notices the slight hint of hurt in her eyes, but she masks it quickly. “But it was also because of you. Because I did care about you, Elizabeth. I still do. And, I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if something had happened to you and I could have stopped it,” he finally admits and he can hear her breath hitch in her throat.</p>
<p>“You should wear it,” she finally says, breaking the silence that had settled between them. “It clearly means a lot to you and Cassandra did, too, and you shouldn’t not wear it just because of me and my jealousy. I mean, I’ll get over it,” she sighs. “But, she clearly still means a lot to you and I can’t ask you not to honor her,” she adds, offering a gentle smile. He’s surprised, surprised by her kindness when she’d been so hostile before, and wonders if maybe they could be Elizabeth and Sebastian once again, if maybe they’d found their way back to each other. He nods and pulls away only to slip the pendant over his head. She nods, and smiles at him, and he’s left kind of breathless because Elizabeth Saltzman has managed to surprise him twice in one day.</p>
<p>“You’re being very kind to me Elizabeth,” he says softly, and she shrugs. “I certainly don’t deserve it. Or, you,” he adds as he meets her gaze. She just smiles fondly and his heart soars.</p>
<p>Slowly, he tucks a stray curl behind her ear, his fingertips brushing against her skin as he gazes into her blue eyes and cups her cheek gently. Elizabeth leans into the touch and bites her lip as she continues to stare into his eyes, and he sees all her insecurities, all the uncertainties, all her reservations so clearly in her blue eyes, and his mind is made up then.</p>
<p>“Sebastian,” she mutters softly, breaking the silence, and he sighs heavily. “What is it?” she asks gently.</p>
<p>“Elizabeth,” he mimics her tone. “You were wrong before,” he finally says, and sees the surprise in her eyes. She almost moves away, but he doesn’t let her, grasping her free hand resting on the edge of the deck, his thumb caressing her cheek. “Well, you were right about some things. I do love Cassandra. And, I lost her. And, I am going to have to live with the memory of watching her being torn to pieces for a very long time,” he closes his eyes briefly, willing the tears away before continuing, “but that doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you, Elizabeth. I do. I fancy you very much. And, it’s not because you remind me of her. It is you. It’s always been you. That night- I was scared and it was all a mess in my head- the memories- watching her die and being helpless to stop it… I am sorry about what I did… what I said. But, I do care about you, Elizabeth. You are a breath of fresh air; a second chance-” he cuts himself off, and swallows thickly, and Elizabeth’s eyes furrow adorably, and she smiles slightly, nodding at him to continue. “A second chance- except, most people like me don’t know what to do with it… And, I definitely don’t deserve it but very much want… I very much want you, Elizabeth and I think you want me, too…” he pauses, and she chuckles, rolling her eyes slightly. “You told me not to choose the dead over the living… that you want to be someone’s first choice,” she opens her mouth to protest, to ask how he knows about that, but he doesn’t let her, “I overheard your conversation with Hope. You are enough, Elizabeth. You are more than enough,” he whispers, hoping to reassure her. “You were right, Elizabeth. You deserve to be someone’s first choice. And, I choose you. I choose you, Elizabeth. I want you. It’s you. You’re the one I want,” he whispers, his voice hoarse, and Elizabeth smiles, that soft, beautiful smile she reserves just for him, and he melts inside because he doesn’t deserve her, and yet she wants him, despite how broken he is, despite how damaged he is, she still wants him. It’s only when she reaches to wipe away a tear with her free hand that he realizes he had started to cry. She cups his cheek gently as they continue to gaze into each other’s eyes, and he can’t help himself as he tilts his head and presses his lips to her wrist, kissing it lightly before brushing his nose against hers. And then, he presses his lips to hers, and Elizabeth responds to the kiss immediately, slipping her tongue into his mouth, and he shivers because Elizabeth Saltzman has stirred something inside him, made him feel like despite all his broken pieces, all the bad things he had done, he still deserved something good. Elizabeth wrapped her hands around his neck, her fingers tugging on his hair as he cupped her head, his fingers sinking in her golden curls. Their tongues tangled together, lips molded with each other as she pressed her body closer to his, and it almost felt like his skin burned where it touched hers, electricity pulsing between them as he pulled her closer, kissing her hungrily, desperately. Finally, when air became a necessity they pull away, and he rests his forehead against hers, their breaths mingling, both of them panting. “I choose you,” he mutters once again against her lips. As the sun lowers itself in the sky, as the orange hues of the sunset transform the colorless lake, as the dim light shines over the deck, he brushes his lips against hers. And then, he kisses her again.</p>
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